Knowtown...

the ramblings of an ecclesial dreamer

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"We must not be afraid to dream the seemingly impossible if we want the seemingly impossible to become a reality."
Vaclav Havel

Ecclesial Dreamer

My name is James Mills.

I am married to Janell and
we have three kids--Jarod, Matthew and Teryn. We live in Parker, Colorado.
In addition to this blog you can find out more about my ecclesial dream at Knowtown or Missio Dei.

If you would like to add your thoughts to a rambling,
click the "Talk Back" link at the end of each post.
If you would like to talk IM (MSN) me or send me an email at: jmills@knowtown.com

..::Favorite BLOGS::..
Andrew Hamilton
Andrew Jones
Doug Pagitt
Dry Bones Dance
Emergent Group Blog *NEW*
Dwight Scull
Fluid Faith
Jason Clark
Jason Smith
Karen Ward
Katy Raymond
Maggi Dawn
Michelle Bainbridge
Rudy Carrasco
Scott Holden
Scott Raymond
Tony Rodasta

..::LINKS::..
My Personal World Clock
Ekklesia Project
Emergent
The Holy Observer
The New Pantagruel
The Vine
Reconstruction
Observing Differently
Open Source Theology

..::Previous Ramblings::..

Reigniting the passion for irrelevance… There is a fine line that I cross all of the time as an ecclesial dreamer. It is the line of relevance. I cross it when I become overly critical of all of the ways I perceive that my church just isn’t “getting it”. I cross it when I start to think, dream and plan how I would structure a community of faith if I were the pastoral leader. It is so easy to cross this line because it makes so much sense. I am beginning to see that there is an eerie connection between the way we recommend “alternative worship” experiences or “house church models” and the way those terrible moderns market the “purpose driven” church. In both cases we are being called towards relevance. I recently re-read Henri Nouwen’s, In The Name Of Jesus and was reminded that the way of Jesus was not one of relevance. Nouwen reminds us that it is more important to love Jesus than to be relevant. This push for relevance is what turns us into marketing strategist rather than ecclesial dreamers and pastoral leaders. Relevance requires us to be competitive. We begin to rationalize ministry in a way that does not make any sense. “If giving a cup of cold water is good than certainly giving more than one is better.” “If church A has 100 people mine would be so much better with 200…” Perhaps this tendency to evaluate how well a ministry is doing by how many people they minister to is really the temptation to be relevant. Influencing large numbers of people is proof of our relevance. It affirms our importance. It reassures us that we are indeed important. (It also makes us more vulnerable to the second and third temptations Nouwen addresses in the book—to be popular and to lead) So maybe there is no problem with alternative worship experiences or purpose driven church models if they are built on the foundation of loving Jesus. Perhaps it is time to rekindle and reignite the desires of pastors and dreamers to follow Christ away from relevance and towards something else. Could we begin to imagine building our faith communities on a foundation of love for God and a desire to exercise our giftedness in service to others in the name of Jesus instead of the desire to influence a lot of people? Thinking like this is dangerous. It may require us to go in directions we would rather not go. Of course, Nouwen reminds us of that as well… posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/30/2003 11:25:00 AM	Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Please hang up and try to make the connection again... I have a friend who is always willing to discuss my ecclesial dream whenever we get together. He knows me pretty well so he can hit me with some pretty good stuff even when I am trying to hide things below the surface. We were both on the leadership team of our church for a while. He stepped down about 2 months before I did. So we have a shared history. He has asked me on more than one occasion, *“Why do you feel this need to be connected to something?”* He is talking about my desire to stay connected to a group of people. There seems to be this tendency in some spiritual people to reject all the forms of “institutional” religion. American Christianity is such an easy target because there are so many problems with it. I can make a list a mile long that has all of the things I do not like about church as we know it. But I still feel this need to be connected to something. Perhaps that is why I am encouraged by groups like Emergent. These types of groups give me the sense of connecting to something that is bigger than me but still unapologetically Christian. But my friend wants to know why I feel so strongly that Christ followers need to be involved or connected in community like this. There are several reasons for this. Maybe someday I will articulate all of these on this blog. One big one for me right now is that it is only in the context of community that we can see the Body of Christ. While all Jesus followers are encouraged to be imitators of Christ it is only when the individual members join together that scripture tell us we are the body of Christ. No one member can say to any other that it is not needed. We are all needed—together. Well this creates some problems for the various local expressions of the Body that we call churches. In my town there are at least 20 different churches that fall into the pale of Christian orthodoxy. Why do people choose one over all the others? How do we measure which ones are “better” reflections of Christ? Is that even possible? The multiple choice atmosphere that we have come to expect in the competitive business of church has created some interesting problems. It is hard to simply judge the attendees of these congregations as “consumers” when the whole context of church has become market oriented. When we compete with other churches for market share we are forcing people to become consumers. Mix in the conflict that is brewing as the deconstruction of postmodern thinking begins to attack the foundations of these various local congregations and we are in a delicate situation. I stay up at night trying to find a way to stay connected to the local body I am a part of without criticizing it unnecessarily on the one hand while rightly calling many of its practices into question on the other. This is a tight rope that is taking its toll on me. It is forcing me to wrestle with some important questions about how I can contribute to and receive from this community of faith. I am encouraged by many people who I know that have been down this road before and are farther along than I am. Some of these people have told me that they are praying for me and that is good to know. I do not feel so alone. But they do not live here. We cannot be part of the same local body. So I am caught in the middle “no man’s land” of longing for a community but not finding what I am looking for right here. But I do not want to imply that I am looking for the “perfect” community. I am wise enough to know that it does not exist. But I can’t just bail out of where I am at in the moment because it is not what I want, either. Which leads right back to my friend’s question, *“Why do you feel this need to be connected to something?”* Perhaps a better question would be, *“Since I feel this need to be connected to something, how and where will I invest my time, resources and energy?”* Anyone out there who knows how to answer that question feel free to throw me a bone. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/28/2003 12:01:00 PM	Monday, July 28, 2003
Backyard Missionaries... So I was surfing the net like I normally do looking for God stuff and I stumbled across this great article by Andrew Hamilton. The first couple of paragraphs resonated in my heart like the bells at Notre Dame. These few sentences sent me over the edge; “How come I have lived in this area for 7 years, within 100m of these families and never met any of them? And perhaps even more confronting is the question; what if I had met them? Would we be friends now, or would my busy church centred life of the last 7 years have prevented me from anything but the occasional wave as I drove past?” Some one put to words what I have been feeling deep in my heart for the past year, maybe longer. My church “busyness” is actually keeping me from doing any real ministry. So I surfed on over to the website for Backyard Missionaries, the ministry that the author is involved in. I read the story and loved it. Maybe instead of going to church meetings once a week, music practice once a week and Sunday morning service I will spend that time getting to know the people who live all around me. Maybe we will open the garage door and break out the food and libations and share our home, resources and hearts with our neighbors. Maybe in 6 months instead of hearing my children saying, “we have to go to church *AGAIN??” they will be saying , “who is coming over TODAY?*” I have said before that I really believe that spiritual nurture happens in organic relationships over a long period of time but Andrew and his group is actually living this out. I continue to be amazed at how much I need to unlearn in this spiritual journey of mine, but I am glad that God is opening up my eyes to see all of the great stuff happening in the One True Church. Thanks for the great article Hamo. Keep ‘em coming. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/27/2003 02:23:00 PM	Sunday, July 27, 2003
P.S.T. I am currently part of the P.S.T. (pastor search team) at my church. This group is responsible for looking at over a hundred resumes of people who applied to become the next pastor of this church. We have spent a lot of time and had a lot of discussion. We have graded resumes and listened to sermon tapes. While at times it has been very fun to go through this process at other times it is very draining. At times I feel like we are all going through the motions of a big elaborate scam and that our work will really not be for anything because the decision has already been made. Other times I feel like this whole monumental decision hinges on each of us listening to God and sharing in detail what we are thinking about each candidate. In the end I am not sure which view is closer to reality. One thing I do know is that the pastoral job search process is not easy from either end. There are so many people’s lives involved – all praying that God would open and close doors. Congregations praying for change, but not too much change. Pastors longing for a place to lead and be loved. Theological questions that need to be addressed, consensus that needs to be agreed to and all of it has to be defended by at least three different interpretations of the Bible. No easy task for anyone involved in it. The whole thing reminds me of a quote I have hanging in my office that is attributed to a person named Paul Anderson: ”I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.” posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/25/2003 03:38:00 PM	Friday, July 25, 2003
Fire irons… This past week was one of the busiest I can remember in a very long time. My wife was out of town again for a youth event in Washington D.C. so I was trying to be Mr. Mom. The kids are in school so I had to take them each morning and that made me late for work. Janell had worked out the after school care until I could get home from work each day. It was all arranged pretty well but it changed my schedule enough to be irritating. The kids were incredible! They did not fight or complain about anything the whole week. Of course something unusual came up each night throwing my schedule off even more. Accidents during rush hour on the way home or relatives in town kept us busy non stop. The weekend was the worst. The pastor search team at my church had two candidates that they wanted to interview. One was Saturday night and one Sunday night. In addition to that I was teaching my second week or a Ten Commandments class at church Sunday morning, still needed to set up the slide show presentation for the worship service and play with the band. The interviews went late both nights and arranging for someone to watch the kids was harder than it needed to be. I got help from some people from church but the kids were up late both nights and I felt bad for keeping them up so late on a school night. I tried to convince myself that it was really important that I was at those interviews. Janell got home late Monday night and we all were exhausted. I took the day of from work on Tuesday to catch up on everything that was neglected over the week and spend some much needed time with Janell. Looking back on the stress of the weekend it hit me in a new way that most of the busyness in my life that causes me stress is self-inflicted. I have way too many irons in the fire. My friend, Bud, told me about the adage, “if you want something done look for a busy person.” They are busy for a reason and usually that reason is they cannot say, “No!” Everything that I am doing in my life and in my church is starting to interfere with the important things I really need to be doing—like spending time with my family. It is time for me to make some changes. It is time for me to become more focused on the use of my time. I am going to start pulling some of the irons out of the fire. I think it is going to be very good for me. But I can already hear the voices of “Important” tasks calling. While this process of simplification is necessary I am not under the illusion that it will be easy. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/23/2003 11:20:00 AM	Wednesday, July 23, 2003
Intersection swallows… My good friend Tony wrote some really cool observations that I read this morning on his blog. He has not blogged much in the past but this entry was very good. I used to work with Tony and we would get to see each other every day. Now we do not get to spend as much time together. I miss the lunches we had and the fun we had at work. So thanks Tony for the great thoughts. On a related note, I just found out that I have to take a mandatory two days of leave without pay due to budget cuts where I work. They were kind enough to let us split this up if we want to so that it does not all come from one pay period. I think I am going to take four half days. I am going to schedule a couple of these half days for times that I can go meet Tony for lunch. It will be just like the good old days. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/15/2003 08:58:00 AM	Tuesday, July 15, 2003
The more things change, the more they stay the same… I met my friend, Harlan today for a late lunch. I have not talked with him face to face for a long time and it was good to catch up a little bit. He gave me a great new bookmark that I put immediately into my journal. We talked a lot about life and church and some events we went through in our recent past. In many ways things are totally different than the last time we talked and in other ways they are exactly the same. But he certainly got me thinking and that was good. I was telling him about this quote that I read earlier in the day: "church as we know it is preventing church as God wants it". That idea made it through all my self-protective filters and lodged somewhere causing the machinery in my head to grind to a halt when I got back to work. I really like that quote. It says a lot. It can be challenging, convicting and inspiring all at once. It reminds me that none of this ecclesial dreaming stuff is really about me. But as much as that makes sense to me, I still long for something new… posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/11/2003 04:32:00 PM	Friday, July 11, 2003
Quest... My friend Tre Cates is the pastor of my favorite local church, Quest, in Boulder, Colorado. I met Tre almost a year ago and we talk about church stuff together. He is a great thinker and ecclesial dreamer. I love what he is doing at Quest and I love their community. I have already mentioned their worship leader, Kent, several times on this blog. I like this community of faith so much that I try make the trek from Parker the first Sunday of each month to worship with this crew of Christ followers in Boulder. It is worth the drive. I also show up at some of Kent's concerts both because he is a great singer/songwriter/guitarist and because I love to hang around this group. I feel like some strange kind of church stalker. Tonight is the first Sunday of the month and I am anxious to go worship God with these people. But tonight is a little different. Tre is out of town and he has invited me to share a few things with the Quest congregaton. It is going to be such a great honor to participate with them at this level. I have been looking forward to this for two weeks! I hope to thank, encourage and challenge this group who have been encouraging and challenging me over the last several months. I will be talking about what it means to me to be a follower of God in Christ. I hope that the community of faith I eventually end up in will be a community of faith like Quest. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/06/2003 03:23:00 PM	Sunday, July 06, 2003
Live till it hurts… This week is shaping up to be a nice, calm and comfortable week. Monday we went to a place in downtown Denver called The Sweet Rockin’ Coffee and listened to Kent and Trace play some tunes. It was a nice start to the week. There is a small break of activity in the church’s search for a new pastor so I have no meetings in the evenings. I have Friday off from the day job so I may actually get caught up on a few things like sleep. Maybe I will even finish the new Harry Potter book. Of course the slow down has given me more time to think. I am getting ready to teach through the Ten Commandments and that has my mind racing in several different directions at once. The big idea that I am wrestling with is about what it means to be a follower of God. It is not what I believe that determines this but the way I live my life. I think sometimes we have the tendency to overlook what it means to be a “living sacrifice”. I imagine that being any kind of sacrifice is not a pursuit of comfort. Perhaps the call to be a Christian is a call to live till it hurts… posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 7/02/2003 11:55:00 AM	Wednesday, July 02, 2003