Knowtown...

the ramblings of an ecclesial dreamer

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"We must not be afraid to dream the seemingly impossible if we want the seemingly impossible to become a reality."
Vaclav Havel

Ecclesial Dreamer

My name is James Mills.

I am married to Janell and
we have three kids--Jarod, Matthew and Teryn. We live in Parker, Colorado.
In addition to this blog you can find out more about my ecclesial dream at Knowtown or Missio Dei.

If you would like to add your thoughts to a rambling,
click the "Talk Back" link at the end of each post.
If you would like to talk IM (MSN) me or send me an email at: jmills@knowtown.com

..::Favorite BLOGS::..
Andrew Hamilton
Andrew Jones
Doug Pagitt
Dry Bones Dance
Emergent Group Blog *NEW*
Dwight Scull
Fluid Faith
Jason Clark
Jason Smith
Karen Ward
Katy Raymond
Maggi Dawn
Michelle Bainbridge
Rudy Carrasco
Scott Holden
Scott Raymond
Tony Rodasta

..::LINKS::..
My Personal World Clock
Ekklesia Project
Emergent
The Holy Observer
The New Pantagruel
The Vine
Reconstruction
Observing Differently
Open Source Theology

..::Previous Ramblings::..

Artificial unity... When I refer to myself as an ecclesial dreamer some people get the wrong idea. I am not always a very clear communicator so this is not too hard to understand, but it does cause a lot of frustration. When I talk of an ecclesial dream I am not trying to avoid the “real world” of ministry in the church context but I refuse to believe that the way we do things is as good as it can be. I dream of something better. Sometimes I reach a point where I am going to give up dreaming and simply settle. The last few weeks were such a time. I was involved in several conversations all related to church at some level. In some of these conversations I was in a minority place and in others I was in the majority. In all of them I behaved badly. It seemed no matter what side of the conversation I was on the goal became to marginalize the other voices. While these conversations were going on I was reading a book (Everyman Revived: The Common Sense Of Michael Polanyi) about Michael Polanyi’s thought. In this book is a chapter titled “truth in the free society” that describes Polanyi’s understanding of the scientific community. As I read this chapter my heart broke. Part of my ecclesial dream is that I would belong to a community of faith that could be described in the same way Polanyi described the scientific community. Of course, being a selfish, human ecclesial dreamer it takes me a while to realize that I am my own worst enemy in these things. When it finally hit me that I am the one who makes the dream a nightmare I was ready to give up. But then I read something that made me think others understand this dream is intended to be a reality: “William Placher notes how curious it is that the church lives with four Gospels. One might have thought, at some early point, the church would settle down with one authoritive Gospel, would have attempted to harmonize all of the Gospels into one. Why not? Placher surmises that we have Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John because the church practices nonviolence. The only way to achieve unity would be to do violence to someone’s voice, to exclude or to coerce artificial unity. So the church’s peaceful life together produces a wonderfully rich and diverse community, not because the church affirms some limp value like diversity or inclusiveness, but rather because the church practices nonviolence.” (from Stanley Hauerwas and Will Willimon’s Book titled The Truth About God: The Ten Commandments In Christian Life, quoting Placher’s book, Unapologetic Theology: A Christian In A Pluralistic Conversation.) While this certainly added fuel to the fire of my ecclesial dream it was also very convicting. This creates questions for me that I do not know how to answer. How do we achieve unity in a wonderfully rich and diverse community? Who defines when unity is genuine and not artificial? Is it possible to leave a friendship or a community that is based on “coercion to an artificial unity” in a way that is not divisive? How do we practice radical inclusiveness and still remain orthodox? I am really wrestling with what it means to be an ecclesial dreamer in a pluralistic community. I have much to learn and (perhaps more importantly) unlearn in how this gets played out in the context of my faith community. One thing I know beyond all doubt—I am going to need a lot of help. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/27/2003 03:21:00 PM	Tuesday, May 27, 2003
Relational tartar... I was in a dentist chair for two hours today getting a scaling. It had been a long time since I had been to the dentist. No cavities and my teeth are strong. But it was the stuff that builds up below the surface of the gumline that got me. So someone who knows how to deal with this stuff digs in and does some much needed deep cleaning. Nothing too painful, just a little uncomfortable. I can't help but wonder how much life is like this. We neglect disciplines for too long and a nasty tartar begins to build up. Because it is below the surface we don't notice it at first. But if we do not deal with it soon it turns hard and begins to cause damage in all areas of our life. This is most noticeable in relationships. We stop being honest. We become afraid to have Fierce Conversations with each other. If we let it go to long we will either lose a friendship or need some one to come in and do some deep cleaning to clear away the relational tartar. I have experienced the need for this deep soul scaling this week. I have discovered something about myself. I tend to project into others the worst characteristics of myself. This is not good. It has caused some damage for me and others. In the process of trying to correct this I also found out something else. There are certain relationships that I will not let go of. No matter how much the build up I will fight for them. These are with many different kinds of people but they all have one common denominator. I have grown to trust them. There are other relationships that it is better for me to let go of. It is the best thing for everyone involved. To pretend that there is a relationship where really one does not exist is not good idea in the long run. There are quite a few relationships in my life right now that I will need to let go if the important ones are to remain tartar free. A few others that need a deep cleaning to get back on track. A few new ones that need to be maintained with a renewed sense of discipline. And perhaps a six month check up would not be a bad idea. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/22/2003 05:06:00 PM	Thursday, May 22, 2003
Hello, my name is James and I am an elitist... The last week for me has been very difficult for many reasons. One is because there is a lot of things going on at my church that make me feel like it is unraveling. As an ecclesial dreamer I do not like this. The other is I have been participating in an interesting discussion online that has been pretty heated at times. Finally, I have been forced to do some serious thinking on some very important issues. It has been a week of being challenged, encouraged and corrected by friends and people I do not know at all. Through it all I have come to a very surprising conclusion about myself-- I am an elitist. This term has been used this week in a negative way with the adjective "intellectual" towards a friend of mine and contributor to the DEA blog. What I found surprising was the idea that this label was used to marginalize a particular view. As I was really wrestling through this issue it occurred to me that we are all elitist by definition, we just draw the line in different places. The idea of elitism is basically that only certain people(s) should participate in certain topics. So I guess an intellectual elitist is some one who believes that only intellectuals should contribute to intellectual conversations. Now this may sound harsh at first but think about it. We all do this at least at a subconscious level. Like I said, we just all draw the line in a different place. I would like to address here the fact that we are all hermeneutical elitist. Some of us may not want "intellectuals" being at the top cramming there ideas down to the "ignorant" masses, but we still would say that the Jehovah's Witnesses or maybe the Mormons do not interpret scripture correctly. What we are saying is that we are elitist. We do not give everyone's interpretation equal weight. We hold at some level that some people are more "qualified" to interpret scripture correctly and some people are not. No matter how you slice it, that makes us elitist. So the question becomes where are we going to draw the line? Some people try to make the claim that it is possible to hold a theology that is not based on some form of human philosophy. So anyone who allows any philosophy to influence their interpretation is not allowed to faithfully interpret scripture. The problem I have with that is all theology has roots in some philosophical system. If we really believe that reformed theology is not based on enlightenment philosophy we are not being honest with ourselves. In recent discussions the target has been "postmodernism" and the "relativism" that goes with it. I find it interesting that we have not learned anything at all about church history. The first church council recorded in the New Testament book of Acts ended with a change in ministry that was more culturally relevant. Since then there is a long record of resisting every form of change. Galileo and the Reformers illustrate the church's refusal to learn that all truth is God's truth has made the church look pretty silly. Perhaps we would be better off if the ideas that the flat earth was the center of the universe were never deconstructed. One fear (perhaps the biggest) of postmodernism is that it leads to a view of truth that destroys absolutes and leaves us in a state of relativism. I do not fear this because I really do not believe truth was, is or ever will be absolute. I believe that if Jesus is the Truth than truth cannot be absolute it must be infinite. So no matter how far we push in our discovery, philosophy, theology, or quest for truth we will never find a systematic way of encapsulating it and saying, "Ah-ha! We found it! We can all stop looking and start spending our time teaching the whole world the search is over." I say we keep exploring. Of course I believe that we need to stay in step with the story of the Creator as he has continuously been revealing it to those who follow. But who can we trust in this ongoing adventure? Should we follow people who thought the world was flat? Should we follow people who believe that all theological truth was discovered when Martin Luther nailed his 99 thesis to the door? Should we follow the best foundationalist thinkers the 20th century had to offer? Should we trust the new messiahs of postmodernism? I say we need to follow those who have the ability to approach all of God's general and special revelation, look at it in it's historical, geo-political and cultural context and find a way to apply it in the moment of history in which we live. This will require people who are familiar with history, world religion, anthropology, science, etc... Certainly we cannot expect anyone to fill this role. Proof-texters and lazy exegetes need not apply. So, my name is James, and I am an elitist... For somewhat related thoughts check out the DEA blog. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/17/2003 08:40:00 PM	Saturday, May 17, 2003
long day... A few weeks ago I was about ready to bail on the ecclesial dream. I spent some time a way from the thoughts and it was very refreshing. Today felt like 10 steps backwards. More than ever I saw that I do not fit anywhere. It was strange. Maybe I really am a stranger in the promised land after all. I am thankful that there are so many gifted people who are better dreamers than I am cause I am taking a break for a while. Once again I am confident I will work through it, but this time I do not know if I will reconnect on the other side. I am tired and do not have much to contribute to the dream anymore. We'll see how I feel in a few days. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/14/2003 01:00:00 AM	Wednesday, May 14, 2003
The medicine of music... There are few things as good at healing my soul as great music. Last night Janell and I got a good dose of that. We went to Boulder and listened to a couple of really good guitar players. Both of these guys I met through my friend Tre Cates, community of faith, Quest. I thank them both for giving me strong medicine. The first to play was Trace Bundy. It was my second time to hear Trace play. In Febuary he played at Quest when Brian McLaren was there. This guy is phenomenal! He plays an acoustic guitar with a very unique, two-handed, finger-picking/tapping style. Sometimes I get so fascinated watching him play, that I can't concentrate on the music. He uses a lot harmonics which I have always loved. His sound reminds me a lot of Phil Keaggy or Dave Beegle. When I close my eyes and listen to his music it moves me. I would recommend that everyone check out his web site and buy his CD. You would be supporting a great musician and getting a great addition to your music collection. In between Trace's opening and closing sets, Kent Nowlin played an awesome set. I do not know Kent very well yet. I have heard him play at Quest a couple of times but this was one of his first live gigs outside the church context. Kent, and his wife Judith, are people that you would have to try really hard not to like. Every time I have been around either of them they have been very gracious to me so I was looking forward to supporting him and hearing his stuff. He began his set (with the kind of humility I have come to expect) with a great joke about not being as technical a player as Trace. It did not take long to realize Kent is much better than he gives himself credit for. Great guitar playing, great vocals and a passion for his music that sucks you into each song and makes you want to own it. The highlight for me was when he played a new song that he wrote about his relationship with his wife. I was so envious that I cannot give my wife a gift like that. I loved it all. I can't wait till he gets a CD out. Janell and I had to leave before Trace's last set to get the kids and get back home. Overall it was a great night and just what I needed. It was so nice to rest in the music of great musicians. The only downside is that it made me wish we had musicians with that kind of passion as part of my ecclesial dream. It would be nice to have that ingredient to add to the mix for an emergent community of faith in Parker. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/09/2003 10:36:00 AM	Friday, May 09, 2003
Camp Disappointment... One of the problems of being an ecclesial dreamer is having to deal with that pesky dream-crusher— REALITY. It is always easier for me to see this in other people's dreams than it is in my own. For whatever reason, reality always seems to sneak up on my dreams and find me unaware. Over the last few days I feel like I have been in an ambush. I am beginning to see that my ecclesial dream is most likely going to stay a dream for longer than I thought. This reality has left me drained and tired. I wonder if this is how Captains Lewis and Clark felt when they got to the headwaters of the Missouri River only to discover the Bitterroot Mountains. The thing they were looking for (an all water route across the continent) did not exist. The only options that remained were giving up and turning back or the long, uncertain, difficult task of pressing forward. In my church, I was so close to the dream that I could almost taste it. That is hard for me to believe considering just three years earlier I was ready to give up on church altogether. And now I feel like I am right back at Camp Disappointment, once again ready to give up. Perhaps I just do not have the courage to keep going. Maybe it is time to give up on the dream for a while and settle someplace in the geography of reality. Could it be time to wake up from this dream and realize that what I am looking for doesn't exist and that I will forever be a stranger in the Promised Land? Maybe Camp Disappointment is actually a place where the Good Shepherd will allow me to sit beside still waters and restore my soul. All I know for sure is that right now I am tired. The more experienced ecclesial dreamer Jason Clark talks about how sleep is a grace from God reminding us that the dream of God continues, even without our help. So maybe I just need to stop and rest for a while. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/06/2003 12:08:00 PM	Tuesday, May 06, 2003
X2, burgers and theological discussion... It doesn't get much better than this. Janell and I went to see X-men 2 last night with Harlan and Karin. I think we all agreed it was a good movie. The movie pushed several spiritual elements from sacrifice to faith. I was surprised that the faith they spoke about was not a "generic" faith but was a Christian faith. There were Psalms and cricifixes integrated into the story. I left thinking about how many people will see that movie and be exposed to some spiritual elements. After the movie we all went to dinner at the Red Robin and met up with Scott and Emily. It was a great discussion with good friends. The movie ended in a way that set up the next sequel and our conversation ended much the same way. I love talking with these folks and can't wait till we get to do it again. We are all a bunch of "mutants" who do not really fit but when we get together it is always a good time. Talking with them is always very life giving to me. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/04/2003 02:16:00 PM	Sunday, May 04, 2003
Still Got A Prayer... One of my favorite musicians is Billy Falcon. He has a CD titled Pretty Blue World (1991, Polygram records) that is simply incredible. It is hard to find but well worth the search. He has a song on that CD called Still Got A Prayer that has been playing in my head a lot lately. With everything that is going on at church it is sometimes easy to get discouraged but this song reminds me that sometimes when things look there worst is exactly when they are the best. Some of the lyrics of the song go like this: “As he took his last breath on Calvary’s tree, It didn’t look good, no there wasn’t much hope, for my brothers and me…” So no matter how bad things are, you still got a prayer. On Wednesday night I had some great conversations with some of the current leadership team of the church—Leanne (and Roger) and LaVona (and Bud). My friend Mark was there as well. He used to be on one of our leadership teams too. It was just like the good old days, when I was still on the leadership team. I forgot how much I enjoyed those conversations. I am not certain that the direction the church is going as it searches for a new pastor is one I agree with or not. It is not that I am against what they are thinking and doing, it is simply that I do not have a lot of inside information on how they are going about the process or what their vision for our church is. So for the time being I have to sit and wait to hear what develops. In the big picture it is much more important to get the pastor the church needs and not the one I want and I am all for that. But on the other hand, as an ecclesial dreamer, it is hard to sit on the sidelines. Leanne and I talked a lot about this. Should I step up and try to get involved in the process or sit back and wait for them? She thinks that perhaps I could offer a lot to the discussion and I agree. But I countered that I have a lot of ideas and opinions that could stall the discussion as well. As much as I believe that our church needs to go in a new direction, “emergent” ideas are still a minority in the church climate. I guess I’m just not sure there are enough people in our community who are willing to deconstruct what we have been doing enough to build something new. And maybe they don’t need it as much as I do (see my previous post about small pox). I also think that I lost my right to speak to this issue when I stepped off the leadership team. The answers for the church lie in the group that is still leading. I feel that it is their responsibility to make these decisions, not mine. If they decide they want input from the congregation they will ask for it. If they do not ask for it, it is their choice. So I told Leanne that for now I will wait and hear what direction the leadership team decides to go. When they answer what kind of church they want to have I will find a way to contribute to it. Right now my impression is that things will not go far enough in the direction I would hope for, but I still got a prayer… posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/02/2003 09:11:00 AM	Friday, May 02, 2003
Sailor and a scholar... I just found out that Jason Smith and his family will soon be moving to Denver. He is an ecclesial dreamer and a musician. I would say that he is a gentleman and a scholar but according to his web page that may not be the case. At any rate I have added a link to his blog and am looking forward to meeting his family and welcoming them to Denver. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 5/02/2003 06:57:00 AM