Knowtown...

the ramblings of an ecclesial dreamer

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"We must not be afraid to dream the seemingly impossible if we want the seemingly impossible to become a reality."
Vaclav Havel

Ecclesial Dreamer

My name is James Mills.

I am married to Janell and
we have three kids--Jarod, Matthew and Teryn. We live in Parker, Colorado.
In addition to this blog you can find out more about my ecclesial dream at Knowtown or Missio Dei.

If you would like to add your thoughts to a rambling,
click the "Talk Back" link at the end of each post.
If you would like to talk IM (MSN) me or send me an email at: jmills@knowtown.com

..::Favorite BLOGS::..
Andrew Hamilton
Andrew Jones
Doug Pagitt
Dry Bones Dance
Emergent Group Blog *NEW*
Dwight Scull
Fluid Faith
Jason Clark
Jason Smith
Karen Ward
Katy Raymond
Maggi Dawn
Michelle Bainbridge
Rudy Carrasco
Scott Holden
Scott Raymond
Tony Rodasta

..::LINKS::..
My Personal World Clock
Ekklesia Project
Emergent
The Holy Observer
The New Pantagruel
The Vine
Reconstruction
Observing Differently
Open Source Theology

..::Previous Ramblings::..

Subtle (and not so subtle) changes... I have heard that a general in the army (not sure which one) is credited with saying, "if you don't like change, you will like irrelevance even less". Change is a fact of life but it is still something we resist. This week I have been surrounded by change, some subtle and some not so subtle. My long time friend resigned as the pastor at my church on Sunday. It was not so much a surprise to me but I still wasn't ready for it. It will not take effect officially until 7-1-2003, but it is still a legitimate change. It will impact a lot of areas in my life. There is no way around the fact that this will be an interesting few months as we begin the search for a replacement. As an ecclesial dreamer, this change is impacting me at a deeper level than I expected. On the more subtle side, I added a comment link on this blog. By clicking on the comment link beneath each entry you can make this a dialogue instead of a monologue. Feel free to post your thoughts. I get tired of hearing myself talk all the time... posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/29/2003 09:11:00 PM	Tuesday, April 29, 2003
The Philosopher of Islamic Terror... One of my fellow ecclesial dreamers, Tim Keel (from Jacob's Well in Kansas City), posted a link to a great article,The Philosopher of Islamic Terror, on his blog. There were several things I like about this article. First, it gave me a better understanding of the history behind Islamic Terrorism. This understanding has changed my perspective. Second, and maybe more importantly, it put words to some thoughts that have been tumbling around in my head. I have tried to explain to some of my friends that Muslims identity is tied to their faith and most of the Christians I know put there identity in something else (like country, vocation, ethnicity, etc) and their faith becomes secondary. The Muslim faith has become a culture in a way that Christianity has failed to do. While they view the current war as "jihad" (a holy war), we see it as a political war on terror. I think the last paragraph of this article raises some powerful questions that we Christian thinkers need to wrestle with. Thanks, Tim, for sharing this article! posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/29/2003 11:03:00 AM
from fusion to fission... fu·sion n. The merging of different elements into a union fis·sion n. The act or process of splitting into parts. A large part of my ecclesial dream revolves around the idea of fusion. I believe that when individuals come together and are allowed to bring all of their gifts and abilities into the community a beautiful new thing emerges. For this to take place the conditions need to be right. People need to have the space, time, opportunity and desire to really connect with others in a self-sacrificing way. I dream of church being this kind of venue but so often times it is not. Many come for purely selfish reasons and have no intention of connecting with others or God. Some come willing to make the connection but have no space, time or opportunity. We have structured our "worship" services in a way that prohibits people from connecting with each other. In most relationships when one person does all of the talking and the other person is forced to listen we see it as an aberration. In extreme cases this can even be abusive. But at church this is expected, acceptable behavior. We sit looking at the back of everybody’s head and listen to music, listen to a sermon, maybe watch a drama or video clip. If you’re lucky, you get about 45 seconds to "get around and shake hands with someone new". Beyond that we are not encouraged to participate in anything, except maybe the offering. When the individual elements have no opportunity to connect, fusion never really happens. Nothing new or beautiful emerges. Over time these individuals may develop a resistance to connecting. After bumping against each other for so long and having no chance to connect they may actually begin to repel each other. Instead of fusion we get fission. We break everything up into parts and everyone goes their own way. The church I am currently attending is going through a period of transition. As you would expect these things are never easy. I have no idea if months from now we will see fusion or fission. In reality we will probably see a little of both. Much of this will depend on important conversations that are still to take place and whether or not everyone is allowed to bring all of their giftedness to the conversation. Looking ahead I sense the church is headed towards fission while I remain dreaming of fusion. What will that mean for me and my participation? I think it is too early to tell. I’ll keep you posted. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/25/2003 12:23:00 PM	Friday, April 25, 2003
Spel Chek... I am realizing in a fresh new way that blogs require some ability to spell and I do not have it. I will be upgrading soon to blogger pro. Thank God for spell check. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/23/2003 11:24:00 PM	Wednesday, April 23, 2003
Signs of life... Colorado has been in the worst drought it has experienced in a very long time. Mild winters and dry summers have resulted in low stream and river flows, empty reservoirs and watering restrictions. Forest fire danger will again be high and dead, brown lawns have become a normal sight in "colorful Colorado". But a month ago we had one of the worst blizzards on record and the last few days we have had a little rain. It is not enough to reverse the two year drought but it is enough to create signs of life—green grass, flowers and budding trees. These signs of new life and precipitation are also bringing hope. I am optimistic that this may be indications of a change in the weather. It is too early to conclude if it will last through the summer but right now the grass in the parks is green. As with everything else in life, time will tell. In a way this long drought followed by signs of life is a strange parallel to things going on in my community of faith. Last week I talked with someone who didn't think we would make it till Christmas. I have to admit I could see that as a possibility. But yesterday, celebrating Easter, there were signs of life. I am surrounded by great people who have been in a drought for a long time. But soak them in Living Water and amazing things begin to happen. Can we nurture this community of faith if the rains don’t come? Will the seeds we are planting take root and yield a harvest in the fall? I wish I could say I was as optimistic about this as I am the weather. Just like the drought situation in Colorado, it is too early to determine what will happen but time will tell. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/21/2003 09:07:00 AM	Monday, April 21, 2003
DEA... Check out the new link to the Denver Empowerment Apostles blog. These are some of my new friends who I met through Emergent. If you are anywhere in the front range you can keep up with what we are talking about, what we are thinking and when we will be getting together there. Enjoy in joy. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/19/2003 10:56:00 PM	Saturday, April 19, 2003
Good Friday... It is so strange to think about what Good Friday is all about--a temporary celebration of somebody's death. It seems so morbid. But I really don't think it is possible to grasp the full implication of Easter until you buy into the totality of death. It is really no wonder that there are so many people that will not buy into the Christian faith. It is so much easier to accept the "do unto others what you would have them do to you" or even the Ten Commandments without having to believe that someone actually rose from the dead. I suppose that is what keeps some people from believing the claims the church makes about this guy named Jesus. Could he have really come back from the grave? However, I don't think that is the stumbling block most people have. I think the real question is, "even if he did rise again, what difference should that make for me some 2000 years later? Here is where I think I have dropped the ball. I claim to believe that he actually did it but so often I live today like it doesn't matter. If Jesus rose from the dead he is able to be here now. If the New Testament scriptures are right, we (the true believers) are to be the "body of Christ", continuing the work of this guy named Jesus. But when you look around you do not see much forgiveness, grace or love. You don't see widows and orphans being cared for. You don't see the marginalized and broken and wounded being listened to, touched and healed. Instead you see judgment, condemnation and arrogance. Maybe the reason people do not believe the Easter story is not because they can't believe in a miraculous resurrection but because they don't believe in me. So this Good Friday I am thinking more about this guy Jesus and celebrating death. Without the reality of death there is no miracle. And not just Jesus' death 2000 years ago. As I think about Good Friday I am reminded that I am to die to myself if there is any hope at all of Christ living in me. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/18/2003 09:38:00 AM	Friday, April 18, 2003
Addicted to Busted Stuff... Every once in a while I get hooked on a certain thing and it takes me a while to get the monkey off my back. Right now I am addicted to Dave Matthews CD Busted Stuff. What a great CD! If you have to be addicted to something it may as well be something that doesn't cause cancer. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/18/2003 09:36:00 AM
The calm before the storm... I have been talking with my friend Harlan a lot about life lately. I like talking to him because he is a creative thinker and full of great ideas which I like to steal. Sometimes I swear he can read my mind. Last night we were chatting online and discussing the wind from the night before. A nice weather system was working its way through Colorado and it brought some pretty gusty winds. We both commented on how it made us think of the Spirit of God. Of Course, Harlan put it more eloquently than I did. He talked about praying that God would move in his life the same way the wind was blowing--powerfully and noticeably. I liked his prayer so, once again, I stole it from him. I sense that this is one of those dangerous prayers that God answers in a way we are not expecting. It seems like things have been pretty slow and mild for the last several months. Could it be the calm before a mighty storm? I wonder if I am ready for it. That thought would have scared me even 6 months ago. But now I look forward to it. I still doubt that I am ready but having friends like Harlan to go through it with is making all the difference. So ready or not, let the winds come. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/17/2003 09:52:00 AM	Thursday, April 17, 2003
Don't worry, be happy... I have this disturbing tendency to write about only the bad things in life. Thank God nobody actually reads these BLOGS!! If anyone read mine they would think that I was depressed or something. I certainly don't want people confusing me with "angry James". In my feeble attempt to spread some joy I want to share a couple of light-hearted stories my friend Fred shared with me. It seems that there has been quite the crime spree going on in his neighborhood: At a local shop someone broke a window. The police are looking into it. In a related incident, someone stole all of the toilets in the police station. They still have nothing to go on. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/17/2003 09:52:00 AM
Holy Week... These past few weeks have been filled with "historic" events. From "shock and awe" to the end of a political regime the news has been filled with world changing stories. "Embedded" reporters have been revealing all of the drama to us live, 24-7. Maybe that is why it feels like Easter snuck up on me this year. As a non-denominational protestant, I do not follow a liturgical calendar but I always look forward to Holy Week. Reflecting back to the most historical shock and awe campaign that was ever waged is certainly something I look forward to each year. There is something about this week that leads me to self-examination. I always feel the desire to clear the slate and take a personal inventory. This year it has been especially difficult for me to get into it. I wish I could blame all of that on the war. The reality is more distraction is taking place on the inside than there is on the outside. As I feel increasingly more alienated from my community of faith I realize how important it is to celebrate this week in community. The shock and awe of Easter needs to be shared. The church I am attending does not have big Easter plans. I am committed to be there to play with the band. If I could, I would go to the sunrise gathering with Quest and hang out with Tre for the day. Getting together with Harlan, Scott and Dwight would be nice, too. This year's internal inventory process is not going so well. But Holy Week is here and I am glad for that. Things seem dark and dead for me in so many ways right now but new life is right around the corner. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/15/2003 04:39:00 PM	Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Breaking up is hard to do ... I am convinced that relationships are the most difficult thing in the world to maintain. Currently, I have three friends who are struggling in their marriages. It is hard to imagine the mix of emotions. These people are not happy when they are together but there is so much pain and fear of being apart. How does that happen? How can people love and hate each other at the same time? I feel so helpless as I watch these relationships around me crumble. I wonder if there is anything at all I can do to help them. Perhaps even more important for me--how do I keep my own relationships from unraveling? You would think, based on the cars I have owned over the years, that I would be a master mechanic by now. The fact that I am not is due more to my inability than to my years of experience trying to keep my lemons running. My current vehicle is a 1990 Toyota 4runner. All things considered it is not a bad mode of transportation. It is a step up from my old Isuzu Trooper but nowhere near my 1972 Ford Bronco. (I don't own the Bronco anymore but It was a great "project"!) Anyway, I took the 4 runner in for some brake repairs on Saturday. Typically, what I thought would be minor repairs turned out to be major. Much more expensive than I had anticipated and I am still without my vehicle. Obviously I was frustrated with the unexpected inconvenience and increased cost. The thing is there was no one to vent that frustration on but myself. I bought the car used so it is not entirely my fault, but perhaps if I spent more time maintaining the vehicle I would not have to take so much time repairing it. Then it dawned on me that the brakes on the 4runner are just like the relationships we have. Maybe we should make the time to maintain the important relationships to prevent the inconvenient and costly repairs. It is easy to create excuses for not working on brakes but there is no good excuse for letting important relationships deteriorate. One of my favorite authors, Gordon McDonald, reminds me that an unguarded strength and an unprepared heart are a double weakness. When our relationships start squeaking and grinding like brakes on our cars it is time to pull over and take care of some important business. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/14/2003 02:59:00 PM	Monday, April 14, 2003
Unable to log in to the network... "...'doing the right thing'--whether recycling your plastic and glass, choosing not to double-park on a busy street (even just for a minute), or filling up the coffee urn after taking the last cup--is individually costly but collectively beneficial. From the collective point of view, if enough people do the right thing, then everyone is better off-- the world doesn't run out of natural resources, the street doesn't get jammed, and the urn is never empty. But from an individual's point of view, if everyone else is doing the right thing, it is always tempting to free ride on their efforts, reaping the benefits of a public resource without contributing to it. Or, even worse, if no one is doing the right thing, then what is the point of even trying? It will cost you the same amount of effort but won't benefit anyone. (from Duncan Watts' book, *Six Degrees: The Science Of A Connected Age*) Duncan Watts' book is about the emerging science of networks. He is showing, scientifically, that we are all living in a connected age. He says many things that are intriguing to me as an ecclesial dreamer. I am not sure why but this book really spoke to me and my feeling that I no longer "fit" in my community of faith. I talk to a lot of people who struggle with this as well. I think this comes from the fact that we are designed to be in relationships (networks) with others. We are built for community and connectivity. But a community has built in tension. For the whole community to benefit, the individuals must think collectively. As soon as individuals begin to think selfishly the whole community suffers. So here is the catch-22. For me to get what I want from a community (which is selfish) I have to think of what is best for the community (not selfish). I have been thinking about how this data speaks to me and my community of faith. How does this work when you see yourself as a carrier of a dangerous infection? To contribute what I have to the community (not selfish) may actually be destructive, in which case it is really not good for the community. But to not contribute (selfish), while beneficial to the community, will not bring any reward to me as the individual. It becomes a lose-lose proposition. If I contribute the community suffers, and if I don't I suffer. But is dropping out of community altogether a viable option? Watts' book gave me a whole bunch of things to chew on as I try to answer this question. He points out that there is more than one type of contagion. To determine how a contagion moves through a network we have to have information about both the contagion and the network. Maybe there is a better way to see myself than a small pox carrier. Maybe I am simply someone who hold ideas that are just different enough to make it hard to connect in my network. Thinking like this will not help me "fit" any better but at least it is not destructive. I have a friend who says we all need to be in communities where we are celebrated and not just tolerated. So maybe it is time to start looking for a new network where the people have already been infected, or at least are carrying the same contagions. If you are ready to do what is individually costly it would be nice to do it in a community that will benefit. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/11/2003 02:24:00 PM	Friday, April 11, 2003
O Brother, Where Art Thou... I talked to my older brother on the phone for a while this week. I have looked up to him for as long as I can remember. For about two years we were working, fishing and struggling through our "total disorder" together. Few things in life are as good as standing in a trout stream in the middle of nowhere with your brother. Last June he took off on a grand adventure and ended up in Palmer, Alaska. Now Spring is in the air and the fly fishing season in Colorado is about to take off and I realize how much I miss him being here. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a brother like him. It would make the world a much better place. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/10/2003 11:32:00 AM	Thursday, April 10, 2003
Becoming "infectious"... I refer to myself as an "ecclesial dreamer". There are many reasons for this. One is that I have a dream about what a community of Jesus followers could be and I want to be involved in it. Another is that I have a few issues with the packaging and structures of church today so I try not to use words like "pastor", "church", etc… For me, using those words implies that I agree with the structure. Sometimes it is easier to be a dreamer. Of course, the word dreamer implies certain things as well. Some may argue that dreamers never really accomplish anything. Dreamers are not doers. I do not believe that. I think that dreamers have an obligation to paint pictures of the way things could be so that others will know what to aim for. How powerful was Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech? But there is a downside. Sometimes dreamers can cause destruction without even being aware of it. Jim Campbell recently posted an interesting thought on the Emergent website bulletin boards about Small Pox. He talked about European colonization of the new world. Although they brought many good things, they also brought diseases like small pox that caused a lot of destruction. The idea made me stop and wonder. Do the dreams I have carry the potential to be destructive? Could it be that what I see as an ecclesial dream, others see as an ecclesial nightmare? In my current community of faith I see the potential for it to go either way. Jason Clark, an ecclesial dreamer and one of the leaders of Emergent, has some discussions about this dream (based on the Brian McLaren book titled, A New Kind Of Christian) that you can download from the Emergent UK website. In one of those discussions he talks about the character traits of Jesus followers (a.k.a. fruits of the Spirit) and how we gain them by living through situations where we need them and do not have them. For example, if you are in a situation where you need patience but do not have it, living through it will help produce it. This has been a very humbling corrective to my dream. I am trying to learn how to live as an infectious carrier of a dangerous dream in a community of followers who don't see things the way I do without causing destruction. In trying to live through this I am learning a lot about what it means to have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. So far it has been a painful process. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/08/2003 09:16:00 AM	Tuesday, April 08, 2003
F'N Loud and crystal clear... My wife is the student leader at our community of faith in Parker, Colorado. Tonight her group hosted the first ever Friday Night Loud (a.k.a. F'N Loud). They did a great job. They opened up the building for 4 local youth bands. The long story is that a local coffee shop used to host open mic nights for local kids to perform. For whatever reason they stopped doing that about 3 months ago. So there was no place in town for the kids to do this anymore. The youth kids came up with the idea of opening up our building. They worked with my wife to get it all organized and approved by the leaders of the church. The short story is that it was an overwhelming success and it lived up to it's name-- it was F'N Loud!! Actually it went way beyond my expectations. I thought we would maybe have 40-50 kids all sitting around like wallflowers. Instead we had about 130-150 dancing, jumping around and having fun! The bands were better than I expected and the local youth of Parker were great. The bands were happy to have a venue to play, the kids were happy to have a place to hang out and listen to bands and the few parents who showed up were happy that there was a place for their kids to do something like this in Parker. We had a police officer there just to be practical and I had a great conversation with her. She told me how nice it was for a community of faith to let something like this take place. She said just by allowing them to be there we were keeping some of them out of trouble. Then I talked to some of the parents of the band members (there to support their kids) and they again thanked me (as if I had anything to do with it) for opening the building for something like this. I can't help but wonder why something like this has become the exception rather than the rule? Maybe if every church allowed F'N Loud, punk music bands to have a space we would actually get to know some of the kids from our community. Maybe we will present a powerful gospel message to these kids and there parents. It remains to be seen if the youth kids will make the connection from a "band night" to pointing people to Christ. The jury is still out on if the un-churched kids will see this as a step towards a relationship with Jesus. They are planning F'N Loud for the first Friday of every month so we have time to see how it plays out. Maybe we will never know how any of the participants will respond to F'N Loud but one thing I am sure of... Jesus Christ was there. To me, that was crystal clear. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/04/2003 11:46:00 PM	Friday, April 04, 2003
Good friends... I am struggling with the changing nature of friendships. I am fortunate to have many friends but I am concerned with how these friendships change over time. My best friend in high school lives 2 miles from me and I never talk to him. How does that happen? What causes these relationships to change like this? I guess it is the fact that we are always changing ourselves. I am not the same person today I was when I was in high school, or even 6 months ago. If people I relate to do not change in a similar way we will eventually grow apart. The thing is, that as I grow out of some relationships I can grow into new ones. This is both exciting and disheartening for me. I am going through some radical changes right now and I do not know which relationships I currently have that will still be intact on the other side of the change. I do not like the idea that some of my close friends today may not be friends at all in the days ahead. Likewise some of my new relationships may not develop into the friendships I hope for. But I do know this: I have many new friends who are helping me “through” the change. Perhaps it is these friends who walk with us through our changes are the best ones of all because they are catalyst for the change in us. Without friends like these it would be difficult if not impossible to change at all. So I want to thank several of my new friends who are challenging me, encouraging me and helping me change: FT Rodasta, Harlan, Tre, Scott, Dwight and Rebecca and JR… These folks are great people who are helping me out more than they can possibly know right now. Will we stay friends in the future? Only time will tell, but I certainly hope so. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 4/03/2003 12:01:00 PM	Thursday, April 03, 2003