Knowtown...

the ramblings of an ecclesial dreamer

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"We must not be afraid to dream the seemingly impossible if we want the seemingly impossible to become a reality."
Vaclav Havel

Ecclesial Dreamer

My name is James Mills.

I am married to Janell and
we have three kids--Jarod, Matthew and Teryn. We live in Parker, Colorado.
In addition to this blog you can find out more about my ecclesial dream at Knowtown or Missio Dei.

If you would like to add your thoughts to a rambling,
click the "Talk Back" link at the end of each post.
If you would like to talk IM (MSN) me or send me an email at: jmills@knowtown.com

..::Favorite BLOGS::..
Andrew Hamilton
Andrew Jones
Doug Pagitt
Dry Bones Dance
Emergent Group Blog *NEW*
Dwight Scull
Fluid Faith
Jason Clark
Jason Smith
Karen Ward
Katy Raymond
Maggi Dawn
Michelle Bainbridge
Rudy Carrasco
Scott Holden
Scott Raymond
Tony Rodasta

..::LINKS::..
My Personal World Clock
Ekklesia Project
Emergent
The Holy Observer
The New Pantagruel
The Vine
Reconstruction
Observing Differently
Open Source Theology

..::Previous Ramblings::..

My son's thanksgiving poem... THANKSGIVING Golden, brown turkey in the oven, Juice in the golden brown turkey, Bubbles popping in the oven, Bubbling, juicy, slimy turkey slipping Down my throat, Thanksgiving. Matthew Mills 11-27-03 posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/28/2003 03:26:00 PM	Friday, November 28, 2003
Nice Quote for ecclesial dreamers... "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night." Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849); US writer, poet and critic. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/26/2003 08:24:00 PM	Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Zero28... http://www.zero28.org/ is an interesting site co-founded by Gareth Higgins, author of the book I recommended earlier. As I said, his insights into the human condition are very good and you can get a glimpse at the web site. Well worth a visit. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/26/2003 08:12:00 PM
When We Differ Sharply... ...Pursuing Truth and Preserving Community. Digging deeper into the debate going on at the ETS I found a great article by Glen C. Scorgie. It begins with a powerful question about Evangelicalism... "Some years ago I was approached by the editor of a Roman Catholic journal in Canada who wanted to inform his readers about what was to them a vague and peculiar stream of Protestantism known as evangelicalism. The mission of this bilingual journal was to bring Christians together, at least to talk, and the question he posed for my article was whether evangelicalism tended to be a uniting or divisive movement in the history of Christianity. Did it bring Christians together or tear them apart?" Read the complete article here posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/26/2003 07:50:00 PM
Recovering the family... I just came across this great article from Ivy Beckwith. Ivy spoke a few times at the 2003 Emergent Convention in San Diego and I was blown away with her ability to see the need for change in the way we teach our children about God. She has the education, the experience and most importantly the heart to want to help us ecclesial dreamers do a better job in this area. I will gaurantee that every church planter is wrestling with the question, "What will we do with the children?" at some level. Depending on what kind of church you are trying to plant this one issue can make or break your church plant. If a family with children comes to your church and you do not offer what they are looking for you've lost them. Ivy's wisdom allows her to approach this issue from a different perspective. She is encouraging us to actually live out what we say we believe about the family's role in spiritual nurture. The "how are we going to do this?" questions are important but the mission is more important. When we know "why" we are doing what we are doing the "how" will take care of itself. I like this article because she points out that to do this you need a leadership team that really believes it at a DNA level. I think everyone who is involved in church leadership needs to interact with this article. Here is a brief excerpt: "I want our kids to understand the big picture of the bible. Curriculum writers try so hard to make bible stories “child friendly” that they can end up changing it to a degree that Matthew or Mark or Peter might not even recognize it if they were to pick up a Sunday School book! I think we need to take a step back from that. We need to help kids see that the main character in the bible is God. We once had the kids do a mural where they drew their favorite bible story. Then we asked them why it was their favorite. Then we asked them, why do you think this story is in the bible? David did lots of other things, too, that aren’t in the bible. Why is this one about killing Goliath in there? This is helping them think about the big picture, the whole story that God is trying to tell." posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/26/2003 12:40:00 PM
Baby Dedication… I am putting some stuff together for a baby dedication next Friday night. I have some ideas that I want to implement and Doug Pagitt was kind enough to share some notes for what they do at Solomon’s Porch that will make this day very memorable. I am very excited about it because this will be the first time I get to do something like this as an ambassador of Missio Dei. It makes me feel like there is more to this than talking around in circles. I’ll try to let everyone know how it turns out. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/26/2003 11:49:00 AM
Speaking of watersheds... This debate will only get worse before it gets better. I said it before and I'll say it again, we have not heard the last on this issue. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/25/2003 04:22:00 PM	Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Internal chaos… I have so many thoughts going at so many levels right now that I feel like my head is about to explode. Ideas are spilling into my head from conversations with friends, the film about Luther, a great book about Blaise Pascal, this insight from Andrew Hamilton, the HBO show Carnivale, the excellent article mentioned on Rudy Carasco’s blog, and conversations with my wife. Simply put, I am on sensory overload. Some of these things have been incubating in my head for a long time but I am just now finding ways to articulate some things. Other things are pretty new and changing my internal landscape at profound levels. It may be a while (if ever) before they are coherent. I am looking forward to this long weekend. I am hoping that this will be a great time of refreshing for me. I sense some "gianormous" things right around the corner and must confess that I agree with my friend Scott Holden that 2004 is going to be a watershed year for me in many ways. I still am concerned that I do not have the courage I need to go where I need to go but I will cross that bridge when I get to it. In the meantime I am going to let these thoughts percolate a little longer… posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/25/2003 02:03:00 PM
Is there any doubt? It is time to admit that the Denver Broncos are simply not as good this year as I hoped they would be. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/24/2003 03:41:00 PM	Monday, November 24, 2003
Magnificent Delusions… While surfing the Carnivale web site I found this great interview with the show’s creator, Daniel Knauf. The title of the interview caught my attention. I have said in the past that my ecclesial dream is other people’s nightmare but now I am just wondering if it is simply a magnificent delusion. Daniel Knauf talks about getting the idea for Carnivale out of his head and into something tangible in the real world: DANIEL KNAUF: You know, when you write a scene, you've got it unspooling in this movie theatre that's contained inside your skull, and you're just writing down what's happening. And, and it's very rare-- I mean really, really rare--when you actually see it unfold the way you imagined it. It's startling when you're a new writer, because there are so many people involved in making that scene work. What's been surprising to me is the number of times that I have watched my actors perform a scene exactly the way I had it in my head when I wrote it. What are the odds? So I get this insane kind of deja vu, like, oh my God, how did they crawl inside my head and do that? And then it gets even more interesting when I'm sitting down watching dailies, and I watch the way that Rodrigo or Scott or Jeremy decided to shoot a scene, and, oh wow, this is exactly the way I saw it on that movie screen in my head. I just don't know whether everybody on the cast and crew is sort of tapping into something... HBO: Maybe a shared hallucination. DANIEL KNAUF: Yeah, we're all suffering from this magnificent delusion, but, whatever it is, I sure hope it keeps up. I can relate to the imagery of things unspooling on the screen inside my head. I unspool my ecclesial dream all the time. The discouraging part for me is that I am not able to get it out of my head. I believe at a pretty deep level in the need to pursue my ecclesial dream but I am slowly beginning to realize that I am not gifted enough to be involved in it at a leadership level. I have no ability to articulate or communicate what I see on the screen in my head to people in the real world. My inability to communicate effectively is proving to be more likely to cause relationships to unravel than to stick together. I can’t seem to find a team of people who are willing to even share in the delusion much less make the delusion a reality. The farther down the road I go, the more I think the problem is not with the ecclesial dream, but with the ecclesial dreamer Like Daniel Knauf I think I am suffering from a magnificent delusion. Unlike him, I am not so sure I hope mine keeps up… posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/24/2003 03:37:00 PM
Rebel, genius, Liberator... Tonight I saw the film Luther. Even though I knew the story this movie was powerful. Joseph Fiennes played the part very well. I left totally in awe of the courage Luther had and sad that I do not think I have it in me. Only time will tell. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/21/2003 11:25:00 PM	Friday, November 21, 2003
How Movies Helped Save My Soul... Gareth Higgins’ How Movies Helped Save My Soul: Finding Spiritual Fingerprints in Culturally Significant Films does much more than review popular movies. If you are looking for a "thumbs-up, thumbs-down" type of resource you may want to look elsewhere. Instead, this book does a great job of training the readers how to find these spiritual fingerprints in films for themselves. Like other titles from Relevant Books, there is no attempt to push a spiritual agenda into an area where one does not really exist. It simply illuminates that these “fingerprints” are everywhere. Gareth shows us that one of the best places available to find these sacraments is in the cinema. Each chapter in the book is structured around a theme, such as “war”, “brokenness” or “quest”. Its open-ended style reads like a conversation that begs for your interaction. I found myself thinking of films I would want to include in each section. While I appreciated Gareth’s observations of the films he reviews I think his insights into the human conditions he addressed in each chapter were the real strength of this book. Instinctively I know that there is more to a film than what I see on the screen but Gareth made me conscious of new depths, even in movies I thought I understood. He explores some transcendent themes with immanence perhaps only movies can allow for. The author’s great sense of humor is reflected throughout and makes this book that much more enjoyable to read. With the medium of film being discussed, I would have liked to have seen some pictures from some of the films Gareth mentions. That is a minor complaint, but the only one I can find with this book. This would be a great book to give as a gift to anyone who goes to the movies. After reading it you will find yourself watching films in a new way. I recommend it highly. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/20/2003 08:40:00 PM	Thursday, November 20, 2003
Carnivale… Here is a brief description of Carnivale from the HBO website: "1934. The Dust Bowl. The last great age of magic. In a time of titanic sandstorms, drought and pestilence - all signs of God's fury and harbingers of the Apocalypse - the final conflict between good and evil is about to begin. The battle will take place in the Heartland of an empire called America. And when it is over, man will forever trade away wonder for reason. Debuting on HBO this September, CARNIVÀLE follows a traveling carnival as it wends its way across the Dust Bowl, focusing on a mysterious young fugitive with hidden talents who is taken in by the carnival, and on the charismatic, shadowy evangelist who will ultimately cross his path. The 12-episode dramatic series takes place at a time of worldwide unrest, with evil on the rise around the globe and the Great Depression wreaking economic and social havoc here at home. As they become aware of their abilities, Ben and Brother Justin find themselves wrenched from their lives to realize that the world they thought the knew -- this tenuous, prosaic reality shared by humankind -- is actually a chessboard upon which is played the ancient conflict between Light and Darkness, and they are key players in the battle." When I first watched this show it was already episode 5 and I was lost. A co-worker let me borrow the first 4 episodes she had recorded so I could watch from the beginning and I was hooked. If you haven’t watched it before you may want to catch up with the episode guide (available on the website) before watching the last two episodes of the season. The battle between good and evil in the context of a 1930’s carnival is pretty strange but some powerful themes are brought out in this show. There is an interview with William Schmidt, supervising producer of the show that is pretty good. In reading the interview I found some good nuggets about how a group of writers share ideas instead of taking ownership of the ideas. He talks about how much easier this is to do when you are not in something mediocre but surrounded by people more gifted than yourself. Obviously there will be disagreement but if you can work through the conflict a very good product comes out at the end. Here is a small quote from the article: HBO: Have there been any big disagreements about where the show is going? WILLIAM SCHMIDT: By big do you mean just atomic or hydrogen explosions.... HBO: [CHUCKLE] WILLIAM SCHMIDT: We had some massive, massive debates in the room. When you're dealing with senior staff people like Dawn and Nicole who are the Co-EP's, Ron Moore, a veteran, Toni Graphia a wonderful writer, it never gets personal. But man, I mean-for example, Nicole is an atheist. And I'm not. And we would have these really heated and yet fascinating debates about what does good and evil mean? Is there evil and good in a world that is looked at from an atheist point of view? Then of course you'd have to start translating all that stuff into drama. And man, when you have people who've had their own series, and have been in this business as long as all of us have, you're gonna have strong opinions. HBO: Right. WILLIAM SCHMIDT: We all got together yesterday for the first time since we shut down in July. And it was a very, very warm feeling, because it was like, "Hey, look what we did." You know, it was very difficult show, and no one had ever done anything like it before, so, you're kind of writing blind sometimes. But for all the long hours and the disagreements and the breakthroughs and the pitfalls, we have something that we're all very proud of. I dream of a church that runs the same way. Gifted leaders who trust each other and empower others to change the direction, work through conflict in a healthy way and stay connected. If anyone watches this show I would love to hear what you think about it. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/17/2003 03:44:00 PM	Monday, November 17, 2003
Every beginning has an ending... ..but how do you know which is which? Since I have adopted the revisionist ecclesial dreaming stance I have a little bit of flexibility to narrate this any way I choose. But I still struggle with this as it relates to Missio Dei. How do we know when Missio Dei has started? Usually church plants gear their start around the infamous "launch". To me this seems a little disingenous. I have been involved in a plant like this in the past and I can tell you that there was a lot of stuff that took place before the launch. I really like what Tim Keel had to say at last years Emergent convention in San Diego at his Critical concern course on church planting. He spoke too the fact that Jacob's Well existed in his heart long before it existed in reality. But still there was a point where Jacob's Well became something real--more than just globs of paint on the canvas of an ecclesial dreamer's heart. Over the past week I have talked with two friends who are asking some great questions about Missio Dei such as "where do you meet?" and "who is the pastor?" I find these questions difficult to answer. Some days I see Missio Dei very clearly and other days all I see are globs of paint. Even as a revisionist I find it hard to figure out if we have started already or not. Perhaps this is the type of tension that leads churches to acquire property and buildings and develop mission statements. Those things are all tangible. If someone asks you can point to it and people get it. But when you are simply trying to live as a follower of God in the way of Jesus it is almost imperceivable. I have to be honest. This tension is hard for me. I want Missio Dei to be "more" real NOW. I want to invite people to a certain place at a certain time to worship a certain God in a certain way... I know that I am getting ahead of myself but I can't seem to help it. I am ready to cross this intangible line of transformation and watch this community of faith change before my very eyes. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/17/2003 12:35:00 PM
Healing Iraq... I have no insights into what it will take to "heal Iraq" so I wonder why when people go to my blog it initially pulls up a completely different blog about healing Iraq??? Once I hit the refresh button then my blog comes up. I don't know what causes this but it's kind of wierd. Maybe somebody is trying to tell me something... posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/17/2003 11:52:00 AM
He who has eyes to see... I like art as much as the next guy, I suppose, but I would not consider myself very knowledgebale about it. Art appreciation and the ability to understand the subtleties of brush strokes and such never really made a whole lot of sense to me. Part of the problem is that I very rarely really look at art. I have seen some classics in books but that doesn't really count. Who in their right mind would think that getting something out of a book is the same as experiencing it and interacting with it in person? A year ago I had the opportunity to explore a the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum and was completely blown away. I was fortunate enough to be there during the Prix De West show which displays the greatest western artist at their finest. While wandering around the displays I was mesmorized. There were oil and watercolor paintings, pencil drawings and sculptures. Some of the paintings were at least ten feet tall and the same width. When you would look at them from across the room, you would swear that you could walk right into the picture. They were better than photographs. The line between reality and art became very blurry for me. That day I made an interesting discovery. I found a place of transformation that was very real yet very elusive. When I was looking at the pictures from a distance I was amazed at how real it looked. I would slowly walk closer to the picture and at some point I would lose the reality of the picture and instead see globs of paint. When standing a foot from the canvas you can't see the picture. You see a messy smear of colors and swirls. As you slowly step back the colors gradually transform literally before your eyes into a tree or snake coiled behind a rock. I experemented with this and found that I could find the distance at which the transformation would take place. I could stand at this point and by leaning forward I would see paint on a canvas, and leaning back I would see a very real picture. It was almost eerie. I became amazed at the fact that if I were the artist painting the picture I would be standing too close to the canvas to see anything but globs of paint. It was on the wrong side of my transformation line. But the artist had the ability to know where to put the glob to make it form a part of the picture. I learned to appreciate those who have the ability to look at swirls of paint and see a lifelike picture even when standing on the wrong side of the transformation line. Then I wondered if the artist even had the line. Maybe no matter how close they are to the canvas all they see is the picture. But for me that line of transformation was real. I could actually stand on it and cross it back and forth. Of course, as an ecclesial dreamer, this question began to create other questions for me. If, as followers of Christ in the contexts of our communities, we are to display Christ to the world how do we know if the world sees the "picture" of Christ or if they only see individual globs of paint? Is there a "transformation line" in the spiritual journey which once we cross we begin to "see" God? When I am wrestling with what Pascal called the "hiddenness of God" in my own life, have I crossed that line in the wrong direction? I still do not know much about art. But I am now very aware of this place of transformation where things change right before your eyes. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/14/2003 03:32:00 PM	Friday, November 14, 2003
Last nights dinner... last night I had dinner with a good friend. It had been a while since we talked and it was nice to catch up. We had a great conversation about things and we talked a lot about what I hope Missio Dei will become. He challenged me with some really good questions about the desire of human nature to control things and seek power. He talked about how there are so many churches that start really well but eventually the human nature kicks in and things start to unravel. He questioned whether it is possible to get a community together that could really embody the Christian faith. Can there be a community that follows the desires of a redeemed human nature? What would such a community look like? posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/14/2003 10:34:00 AM
Matrix Revolutions... Saw it today. I didn't like it. Maybe it's just me. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/11/2003 05:23:00 PM	Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Ordinary thoughts... I have believed for a while that spiritual nurture takes place best in ordinary relationships over a long period of time. Some have argued my use of the word "ordinary" but not at great lengths. Sometimes I will replace that word with "organic". In my mind these words in this context are interchangeable. My belief is that "organic, ordinary" relationships (spouses, children, parents, workmates, friends, employers, etc...) that are part of our natural environments in which we live, work and play are better for spiritual nurture than the more artificial relationships that are defined structurally (pastor, counselor, etc.). I am not saying these other relationships are not valuable but that the organic ones seem to carry more weight over long periods of time. I haven't really thought it all through yet but I found two interesting quotes that seemed to hint at what I am feeling at a pretty deep level: "When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world." George Washington Carver "The greatest political storm flutters only a fringe of humanity. But an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children literally alter the destiny of nations." G. K. Chesterton posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/10/2003 03:06:00 PM	Monday, November 10, 2003
Potential The demotivator calendar is good every year. I think Potential is my favorite for 2004. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/06/2003 08:30:00 PM	Thursday, November 06, 2003
Oops, I did it again... This morning I had one of those moments of clarity--the kind that reveals very emphatically that you are not what you really think yourself to be. What I learned is that I am not a very good father. Don't get me wrong, I am not a bad father (at least I hope not), I'm just not very good. I want to be a good dad, I really do. But sometimes my idea of what that means has no grounding in reality. I make decisions everyday that are not very good. I am trying to do what I think is best for my kids but how am I to know what's best for them? Someone should have wrote a manual for my kids so I would know how to relate to them without causing serious, long-term psychological damage. Thank God for my wife or we would all be in trouble. This "learning-as-I-go" plan is hard on all of us. But there is no other way. Here are some things I am learning: * It is important to apologize to my kids. Admit the mistakes or poor judgements I make to them. This way they can learn as we go too. * Don't be afraid to ask their opinion on things. They may not always be right or have mature solutions but they know themselves pretty well. Maybe if I listen to them better I will learn to know them better. * All three of my kids are completely different. Discipline that works with one will crush the spirit of another and have no effect whatsoever on the third. I cannot lump them all together and treat them the same and still be fair. There is a lot more than this but I am still stumbling over these three so I don't think I am ready to go on. All I know is that I need a lot of grace to cover my shortcomings as a father. Hopefully I will get enough to extend that same grace to my children. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/06/2003 12:21:00 PM
We told you so... An interesting read by George F Will called The limits of Inclusiveness. Here is a quote: "This is not to say that homosexual behavior is inherently wrong, let alone that it is a great intrinsic evil like slavery. The analogy with the popular-sovereignty argument is intended to underscore the fact that although tolerance is often a virtue, it is never sufficient as a nation’s, or institution’s, animating principle. If a nation or institution is limitlessly inclusive, then citizenship or membership is meaningless." I don't know what to think about it yet. On the one hand I really do think we need to do a much better job of being inclusive but on the other hand I see the problems of inclusiveness. I wonder if the church can live in the tension. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/04/2003 11:28:00 AM	Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Revisionist ecclesial dreaming… I am really having a difficult time thinking about church stuff right now. It seems like all of the books, seminars and boot camps on church planting are about planning effectively. Get your core group together, write the vision statements, core values and mission. Assemble a leadership structure and plan how you are going to “launch” your corporate gatherings. Normally, all that stuff is right up my alley because I am usually an organizational thinker. But right now all of those methods and strategies seem pretty hallow and shallow. I can sense I am very close to living out an ecclesial dream but at a very deep level I feel like I am in the way. In my anxiousness to create something I am missing out on experiencing something else that is infinitely better. I am really struggling with a lot of things right now. What does it means to gather corporately for worship in our culture? What functional role does a pastor play in the spiritual formation of a community of faith? How do we define ecclesial “leadership” when the goal seems to be “followership”? Why does church consistently get fragmented from the rest of our lives? Is there even a way to do church holistically or is it destined to be centered on an event? I think that answering these types of questions sometimes creates just as many problems as they solve. Perhaps we put way too much emphasis on the planning. In light of this I am starting to lean towards Revisionist Ecclesial Dreaming. The way this would work is we would all live our lives trying to be faithful to the call to follow Jesus. Sometimes we will do OK and other times we will fail miserably. In either case we will not meet the standards of holy, set apart living so we will need God’s grace. We will need to extend that grace to others. When we wrong someone we will need to seek reconciliation. When others wrong us we will need to extend unconditional forgiveness. We will bear other’s burdens and think of them as more important than ourselves. We will be good spouses, parents, children, employees/employers… We will allow love to cover a multitude of sins. We will order our lives towards following God in the way of Jesus. We will allow the generous orthodoxy of the Christian faith to have authority on the decisions we make, how we spend our resources and who we invest in relationally. We will give rather than take. We will seek service over self-interest and stewardship over ownership. Our lives will become living sacrifices of worship that tell a story. But the interesting thing about the story is that it cannot be told before it happens no matter how hard we try. The living it out comes first, then the story. Our ecclesiology is not based on what the early church “planned” but on what they actually did. It was only after the people shared what they had with others so that no one in the community had need that we could learn that was what a faithful community of Christ followers looked like. A group of people who actually lived out and embodied the displaced, resurrected body of Christ became a testimony, witness and story that we are still participating in today. Unfortunately, I try to write my story before I live it. That is not working very well for me. I still think planning is important. I still want to be intentional about the disciplines and practices that make us church. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel a need to spend more time on accounting and less time on budgeting. Budgeting is an attempt to predict what is going to happen in the future. Every successful organization should have a budget and try to stick to it. But life has a way of throwing curve balls we did not anticipate in our budgets. So we have to do more than budget by doing accounting. This is the hard work of seeing what actually happened. Budgets move in the geography of theory and accounting explores the geography of reality. I am starting to think some questions can never be asked or answered. They can only be experienced and lived out. This scares me a little bit because I lose the illusion that I am in control of how things can turn out. But if I can learn to get out of God’s way and simply live faithfully with other Christ followers in this fragmented world our community will eventually tell a powerful story of the redemptive purpose of the mission of God. After it’s all said and done we can reflect back on the experience and learn that we are revisionist ecclesial dreamers. posted by Ecclesial Dreamer @ 11/04/2003 09:39:00 AM